This was a before of me on the right side and how far I've come on the left. The day that the left hand side picture was taken was when I decided I was going to get the Gastric Bypass surgery! I researched it, knew I tried on my own and it didn't work, knew I wanted a kid, and wanted to take charge for myself. My Doctor fully supported me and I began the process. I had my surgery completed in Louisville, Kentucky with Dr. Oldham at Baptist East health. This is the only place my insurance would cover me. In order for me to have the surgery, I had to undergo a 6 month weight loss journey through my doctor, prove that I had tried in the past, have high blood pressure, PCOS (honestly it was listed as an automatic approval), and sleep apnea, which I had all of those! Jeremiah knew I was unhappy, but he loved me through it all! When I told him about the surgery, he didn't agree with it, but then as he seen everything I had been though, he got on board with me. I required a 2 week liquid diet, which literally consisted of three protein shakes a day and one serving size of meat for dinner with a little bit of vegtables and only water. I was driven and I stuck to it like it was my life. I lost about 5 pounds, but that was it. Typical for PCOS. Now, there are people with PCOS that can lose weight with it through exercise and dieting as not all symptoms for PCOS are universal to everyone. I was one of the unlucky one's where no matter what I did, it wouldn't work. If I was ever to be a mother, I knew surgery had to be done. The last step we had was In-vitro fertilization, which is just as much as the surgery! So, I decided the surgery was it. Here is a picture of the day of surgery.
This was right before they took me back. This is a face of an excited, but scared person. I didn't know if I would make it or if I would fail. I was afraid he wouldn't be able to do the surgery. I thought it was too good to be true. I was afraid of dying. I didn't know the complication's that would follow, but this was most definitely not the easy way out and you will see why as I begin. First, I want everyone to know what is involved with the Gastric Bypass. It involves leaving the stomach inside, but bypassing it. There is a small pouch formed that is connected from the esophagus into the small intestine. This means that after I eat everything goes straight through the pouch. I have to be on vitamins the rest of my life because the food moves so quick that we don't properly absorb the nutrient's from the food that I eat. Taking the vitamins are not bad, but it's not too fun. I can eat about 4 ounces of protein and maybe some veggies, if I'm lucky. Most time's I'm filled up extremely quick.
The first week after the surgery, I slept the entire time and was on a lot of pain medicine. I had to be on liquid's again for a few weeks, which involved protein shakes. They stressed 64 oz of protein a day and 64 oz of water a day. I wasn't hungry at at all, so this wasn't too bad. Then, I progressed to soft food/pureed food, which was jello, sugar free pudding, soup, etc. Again, I wasn't hungry and that wasn't hard at all. I started dropping weight week by week very quickly! However, when I progressed to regular food slowly, I started to have my first set of complication's.
The first complication that I suffered was starting to throw up literal foam and slime after I ate. This was my body's way of throwing up. I couldn't keep anything down, but I thought this was a part of the surgery. Each episode would last an hour with me standing over the sink as I spit up this foam and slime with no food. I wanted to throw up to get it over with, but couldn't. I could feel pressure in my esophagus. I finally called my surgeon and he had to do a scope. Scope's aren't bad, you are in an out within about 15 minutes. He found that there was scar tissue that was forming over the opening to where my new pouch and esophagus were connected. This was preventing me from being able to eat. He had to stick a balloon in there and inflate it until it opened way up. He told me that it probally wouldn't happen again, but it could. Well, three weeks later, I started the throwing up episodes again. I started thinking this is going to be my life now. Called him again and sure enough it was another stricture so it involved another scope and dialation. Then, he said it's really rare for a third time to be needed. Well, I started throwing up at work with the slime and foam and at home again. This time, I knew what it was so it was back up to Louisville again for another scope and dialation. Going to Louisville is two hours each way, time off from work, and hindered the healing process. I was extremely weak and worn out. I couldn't get regular food down. I was still dropping weight, which I was happy about of course. I dealt with nausea and I never knew when these foam episodes would occur, so I was scared every time I ate!
Once the three stricture's were passed, I ended up having to deal with bleeding ulcers, which is the scariest part. I started feeling extremely dizzy, but didn't know why. I started throwing up blood the first time and it was a very very large amount. Scared Jeremiah and I to death. I went to the Emergency room in Bowling Green and they stuck a tube through my nose and down into my pouch to try and suck out any other blood. I would not recommend this test for anyone! I was throwing up the foam the entire time! I was crying. I wasn't supposed to even have an NG tube being a bypass patient. Well, they let me go home. Week later, I told Jeremiah that I didn't feel well and he tried to get me dressed to take me to Louisville and I passed out on him. I came back to consiousness immediately. I ended up throwing up blood again and I remember sitting on the floor forcing the blood out and feeling dizzy all at the same time. I told Jeremiah my body can't handle it anymore. I can't throw up again. He got me to the car and I laid in the back seat for a two hour drive all the way to Lousiville. I slept and he kept checking on me by calling my name to make sure I was still alive. When we got to the hospital, they had to put me in a wheel chair and admitted me right away. I was pale and dizzy, nauseous, and I've never felt that horrible in my life. My hemoglobin kept dropping. He did a scope and found the first ulcer in my esophagus. They had to give me blood transfusions, I couldn't eat, nutrition was given to me through IV the entire time along with fluids. This was more time off of work and putting tons of stress on Jeremiah, but he wanted me better. They got my hemoglobin back to 12 after the blood transfusion after a week. I had lost almost 65 pounds at this time! I was super happy about the weightloss, but these complications were scaring me. The throwing up foam stopped, but the dizziness started up again about a month after.
I also struggled with alcohol addition in between this time too, which I feel ashamed of. One beer hits someone that has bypass surgery like having an IV of alcohol hooked up to you. With all the complications, stress from work, and being depressed, I kept drinking because it made me feel good. before I knew it for two month's straight, I did nothing, but drink every single night. Sometime's I drank even an entire six pack on my own. I was like why am I doing this? I couldn't stop though and Jeremiah was angry with me and told me I needed to stop and I wanted to stop, but the addition had a hold on me. Finally, I quit drinking cold turkey and have got this complication under control. I was tired of counting calories, protein, not having bread, no sugar, and watching everyone else be able to eat whatever they wanted, but i couldn't. So, having something that made me feel good was tempting. Alcoholism after gastric bypass is a real threat and even with the sleeve. I always thought this wasn't a real complication, but it happened to me. Before surgery, I did drink some, but wasn't addicted and it was far and between.
I didn't feel right when I went into work and I told my supervisor's this. They didn't say anything. Lunch came around that day and I ate just a protein shake because I knew something wasn't right. Then, I knew I was going to throw up. I went in the bathroom at work and threw up blood and I knew the ulcer had opened up again. I thought that it would heal on it's own with all the anti-acid meds that I was on. So, around 7:45pm (my shift ended at 8pm), I decided to go to the bathroom. I sat down on the toilet and the room started spinning again and I knew this is what happened before I passed out the first ulcer. I somehow got the strength to get out of the bathroom to get to the nearest supervisor. Tapped them on the shoulder and said I need help. Then the voices started sounding far away and they caught me in a chair as I passed out. They called ambulance and they got me out of the building. I got to the hospital in Bowling Green and I already told them what it was. They needed a urine sample so, I got up to go to the bathroom and all the sudden room started spinning again and I passed out right in the hallway again. I was hospitalized again and a normal hemoglobin is 12 and mine dropped to a 6, so I had lost half of my hemoglobin so it required 4 pints of blood this time. More time off work again. Then recovery at home. More stress for Jeremiah, but I was able to eat regular food. Then after two months of being back to work (short term disability), I went home throwing up. I threw up all the way to the car after only being there for an hour! I was off for another three days because this nausea would not go away! I have lost about 73 pounds at this point. Here are some after picture's, which still suprise me today!
Through this entire process, people kept telling me how good I looked and how I looked so much happier, but my energy and all the complications were making me feel miserable! After this last hospitalization for the bleeding ulcer, I started to regret the surgery, but now, I look at all the old pics and I'm reminded of the positives of it. I have more energy finally, skin cleared up, face is a lot thinner, I have a period every month now on my own. I'm dropping sizes like crazy, which feels nice. To be honest, everyone says, "you are so tiny" or "Hey skinny", but I still feel like the fat girl sometimes. I still have 20 pounds to lose and my goal is to do that by June, which will be my 1 year anniversary. I feel good at the moment, but now old habits are starting to sneak in like drinking Mountain Dew, not keeping up with my water, and not working out. Just because you get the surgery doesn't change the fact that you have to put the hard work in too. This is what most people don't realize! they think oh, we can eat whatever we want and we will just lose weight. That's not the case!. You have those stressful day's when you want to give into the eating out commercials, you want that movie popcorn, you want a soda. You get angry that you can't be like everyone else that eats bread, sugar, carbs etc. So, you start letting little habits in and before you know it your weight is stalled. Mine has been stalled for the past 4 months now. I wont drop below 153. Part of it is my fault, because I am giving in to the craving's. I have to get a CT scan coming up soon of my abdomen because I've been having nausea and pain. I don't know if the ulcer will reopen. When I was in the hospital this past time, they had me under for several hours during a scope trying to control the bleeding. They coterized it and injected it with epinepherin. They say it can open again, so I have to worry about it happening again and that is scary to me! I hate passing out and throwing up blood because it's the absolute most scariest thing ever! Everytime I get dizzy, I worry, is it happening again? I don't regret the surgery because I no longer take high blood pressure medicine, I have energy, regular period which means when we start trying in June that we may be able to finally be parent's. So, you tell me, did I take the easy way out????.....no! If trying it on my own would have worked, I would have done that and not changed my entire anatomy or chanced all these complications or even my life.
Now, I'm to the point where I feel ok the last two weeks. That could change at any time, but I'm hoping that life will leave me alone. I need to get off the carbs, sugar, soda, and figure out why I keep self sabotaging myself. I know that I need some time of vice in life and I don't know why that is. Food was my first vice, then drinking, soda, and now eating out. When I was strictly sticking to the diet, I developed a shopping addition. There's so much that goes into this journey that nobody knows about. It's a very hard mental thing. Starting this week, I want to get back on track and get these last 20 pounds off me. I know that I can treat myself once in awhile, but I can't keep doing what I'm doing or I'll end up gaining all the weight back. I'm lucky that I haven't already! I'm going to finally start working out Monday now that I'm back to work, have energy, and I'm ready to do this. I have to detox, which is not going to be fun at all. When I say detox, I mean ensuring 64 oz of protein either through food or protein shakes, NO CARBS, NO SUGAR. Carbs can be under 20 grams a day. 64-80 oz of water a day. NO EATING OUT. not even one day during the detox. I will be posting more about this in my group. I want to help other's. I want other's that are considering the surgery to know all of this because these are things that I wish I would've known. I would have still done it because I want to be a mom one day! My husband is able to pick me up now :)
I'm trying to see myself as beautiful and give myself credit for going through this tough journey. I am working on myself one day at a time. I deal with anxiety and depression along with trying to get out of a job that is doing nothing but dragging me down, but somehow, I feel like I'm going to figure this out! I appreciate everyone that has been there for me through everything because without the encouragement, I don't know what I would have done! I will be more active in my weightloss group and helping those that want meal plans etc. Since it has taken me a lot of time to put the meal plan together, I thought I would ask for 20.00 through PayPal. You will get a whole month of recipes plus a detox plan. Support through the Facebook group and even thought about doing live video's all for the $20.00. I've researched it all up! I've organized it etc. Let me know if you're interested. I spent HOURS on it.
